hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
