The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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