she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
