Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
