saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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