I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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