I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
