we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
