Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
