We're facebook friends in real life
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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