someone owes me an orgasm
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
