After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So squirting runs in the family.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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