eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
