The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
