my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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