Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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