at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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