He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
