Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
