i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
