I never want to see another naked old woman again.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
