Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
