i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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