Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
