Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
