my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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