I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize