Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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