Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You took a bar mat shot.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
