Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This baby is an asshole
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
