Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
