He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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