Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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