Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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