Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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