I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
