I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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