There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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