Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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