Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
