We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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