Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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