Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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