Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
