tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
