yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
