areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
