just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
