Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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