Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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