I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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