We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
