I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
