Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Enjoy the penises
I have already put on my inside pants.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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