oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
