Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
