Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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