He uses pillows to masturbate.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
