the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
