Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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