my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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