he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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