There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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