Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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