he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
