Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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